Saturday, March 12, 2005

a bridge too far
by iggy

I know I swore I'd never do game night again. but last night was the night that randy's SCA friends wanted to play dungeons and dragons. I knew they had tried to get us to do the thing in costume, and I was impressed how randy stood up to them ("I like chain-mail, you like chain-mail, but not everyone likes chain-mail"). so I was surprised when we showed up at alan's house (alan is the the dungeonmaster) and two of them (julie and brian) came in costume. I tried my damnedest to get a photo of them (cause I know you all are folks that like chain-mail) but they were too camera shy. But I was able to get some sweet shots of the battles.

alan and randy's hands in the background, hami and setna in the foreground

it turns out alan is not your normal dungeonmaster (if you've never played before, a DM is the one that makes all the rules and events and characters and enforces game play). I'd played with him before, but never with him as DM, only another player. first off, alan is super-anal about planning. he has mapped out all the places on the computer and written these long documents about the main plot points and enemies.

my Neterankh, re-re-painted, whooping goblin ass.

but about two hours into the evening, alan's world ran into trouble:

alan: "the goblins cut the ties on the bridge and you are now all stranded on the south side of the canyon. you'll have to go back now."

randy: "I'm going to have hami construct a new bridge out of the 'copious palm trees' that are mentioned in these papers you wrote"

alan: "no you can't build another bridge out of palms! palm wood isnt strong enough to hold you all!"

randy: "no, hami's got crazy 'craft' skill points. he could totally make one that is strong enough."

alan: "not one that can cover this distance. this is like, 20 meters!"

brian: "alan, according to the wizards of the coast third edition errata, what hami is proposing should work."

randy: "'randy,' my name is randy."

brian: "not tonight its not."

alan: "ok assholes, you've got your fucking bridge."

Neterankh's score sheet

so, soon we learn that alan didn't want the bridge there because he hadnt mapped out anything to the north. this wasn't supposed to happen, and he's not handling it well.

brian: "ok, we are pursuing the goblins north across the canyon with over the new bridge. we cross one at a time, of course."

alan: "ok great. you all make it across but when you get there you find that the goblins have back-up."

leo: "uh-oh."

alan: "yeah, it's jimmy hoffa."

brian: "...what?"

alan: "yes, it's jimmy hoffa and like 25 teamsters. they've got bats, chains, crowbars and a few even have those boards of wood with the nails on the end."

brian: "alan be serious."

alan: "what's more serious than 25 armed, angry teamsters?"

setna faces down eva braun

and it went downhill from there. brian was able to argue alan down about the attack bonus of bats and chains to the point where we were able to kill the teamsters, although jimmy hoffa disappeared before we could kill him. but killing the teamsters only made alan angrier. so after that he cooked up a big showdown where we fought the combined forces of saddam hussein and his two sons, adolf hitler and a mechanized version of eva braun, and god. needless to say, we lost (but we did take down that fascist robot eva).

I'm actually not all that bummed that we all died because I was getting sick of neterankh anyway. but we probably wont let alan be DM again.