Wednesday, March 02, 2005

master and commander of the jacuzzi
by iggy

I know, I know. you're all dieing to hear about the risk showdown and I'm taking forever getting it up here. I'm sorry, but as I'm sure you can imagine it takes time to do such events justice. I figured in the meantime I'd give you all a taste of what life's been like this week. I realize that I am violating tony pierce's rule #1 by not posting every day (and rule #29 by even mentioning it) but hopefully that will change soon.

anyway, yesterday was a rough day at home. when I got home from bowling with randy I asked dad why we have the pool cleaner guy coming twice a week, especially since its march and no one's gonna use the damn thing. he got all angry at me and said that he didn't know why and he'd talk to mom about it and was I around when he came today?

I wasn't, I told him, but I can tell when he comes by cause randy and I have this bet going about whose model boat more seaworthy and we've set up this competition to find out. my grand banks, which looks something like this:


my "s.s. widowmaker"

is going to kick the shit out of randy's hatteras:


randy's "s.s. gandalf the white"

and the way we are testing it is by leaving them in the jacuzzi with the jets on full blast for the last week. anyway, whenever we run these seaworthiness tests, the pool guy always fucks it up because when he comes by in the afternoon and finds the jacuzzi running with our boats in it he turns it off. I've told my mom that when the guy comes she should tell him not to turn the jacuzzi off, cause whenever he comes by she's always out there with him talking and watching him work so she should just tell him. she always forgets though.

so anyway dad goes to talk to mom about why the pool guy is coming twice a week and they both start shouting. they were both being pretty stupid. mom was claiming that her family is going to be in town in a few weeks and she wants the pool looking really nice for them and that's why he's coming twice a week, which is of course stupid cause you can just clean it once really well before they get here. dad was even worse though cause he was totally freaking out and calling her a "fucking slut" and now he "knows why the bedsheets smell like chlorine". but mom says its cause she's had to do laundry by hand in the pool cause his ass broke the washing machine, and how dare he accuse her of something like that?

they didn't really throw or break anything though, so it's not as bad as the time mom got wasted at my cousin ellen's wedding and then went home with one of the catering guys. it actually ended pretty quickly and after that mom just sat in the tv room and drank way too much captain morgan and dad ordered a whole lot of those x10 cameras from the internet: "iggy you're gonna help me set these things up and we're not gonna tell mom about it, okay?"