Tuesday, March 22, 2005

more commander, less chalupa
by iggy

randy's been complaining for weeks about his dog chalupa. ever since he started archery he's had this vision of himself one day living off the land with his bow, like in the santa monica mountains eating squirrels or some such shit. "i love chalupa, but he's no hunting dog," he'd say, and mention the time chalupa saw a horse for the first time and peed himself.

why hunt when you can beg?

now I totally agree that the dog is made for indoor life. i mean the thing is a chiwawa after all (i'm sure you've guessed by now that randy's mom named him 'chalupa' cause the taco bell dog was one too). chalupa cant even sleep without both a pillow and a blanket. one time I was staying at randy's house and chalupa was crying in the morning because he had dragged his blanket away from his pillow and we just ignored it cause he cries a lot. the guy ended up sticking himself down the center of a nearby rolled-up sleeping bag.

i didn't think randy had really thought out the whole "hunting dog" thing and how completely unnecessary it was, but I still went with him to the pound a few weeks ago to look for one. there was some waiting and some paperwork, but randy took home "jeremy" a week ago, which he immediately renamed "cobra commander" (he went back and forth between that name and "sergeant slaughter", but we settled it when i asked 'randy, which one of those two would win in a fight?')

"cobra commander is worthy of leading a dark army" -randy

so on the way home from the pound last week, randy goes straight to the park cause he cant wait to "try out the commander". when we get to the park he gets his bow out of the trunk and opens the door to let cobra commander out so we can go hunt "small game".

I guess cobra commander saw things differently, because as soon as the door opened, he jumped out of the car and started running. at first he went over to the shitty plastic jungle gym (the one that the park people think is actually a substitute for real monkey bars and slides) and was smelling all the kids. but once he figured out we were chasing him, he went for the hills. its been raining so hard that the park's creek was really big and when he ran through it, we said fuck it and let him run off into the hills.

so when we got back to randy's house without the commander, we told randy's mom that we got there too late and they put him to sleep. we thought it was a really great lie until yesterday when the pound called randy's house and said they caught him again. randy's happy he's got the commander back, but his mom is super pissy now and has stopped making his lunches ("go buy a chalupa randy, ha ha!")