Tuesday, April 12, 2005

fuck igor corvetta
by cleo

To: Cleopatra Robinson
From: Igor Corvetta
Subject: stop being such a cunt

cleo, when i bought you that carton of smokes the deal was you'd post. i dont care if your dad found them. a deal is a deal. i hate to be like this but if you dont post something soon i am going to tell leo about the time you ---------------------------------------.

i mean it.


p.s. dont forget about posting hot pix.

OK, I am posting. are you happy now asshole? I hate you, iggy. and I am drunk. and being drunk doesnt make me hate you, it makes me hate you more.

The worst part is I cant make this post completely shitty. What I'd really like to do here is to draw out the tubgirl.com photo here (don't pretend you haven't already seen it, you perverts) using letters and keyboard symbols so you would all know how much I care about this post and iggy's blog readers. But I know that one day I am going to make it big and there is going to be some episode of "Behind the Music" (or even some as-yet-uninvented show "Early Years of Third World Dictators", god that would be good tv) about me and for sure they are going to dig this shit up. Thank GOD I deleted all traces of my old LiveJournal blog or else the tv show would be talking about entries like "Cleo's guide to good head #17: don't fear the taint!"

Ok... so what the fuck am i supposed to say here? You all don't know me, other than what that humbert's said about me in the past. I looked at iggy's first post and it was terrible... like we want to hear about how iggy can't get any pussy? YES IGGY, WE KNOW YOU ARE KLITORAL KRYPTONITE

I guess i'll tell you all a story. because that seems to be what happens on most of these shitty blogs. I have NO idea how to post pics on this thing, so you all are going to have to use your imaginations.

On friday i was at In-n-out burger with Jenny who is a friend. We hang out at the In-n-out because it is like the black diamond of hustling free fast food. I mean, if you are at a taco bell with the high school football team, (or better yet, the chess club) it is the easiest shit on earth to get a free mexican pizza or at least a taco supreme. You just drop a "oh, i am so hungry! and i left my purse in hebrew school!" (no, I am not jewish, but it works for some reason) these guys will fight over who gets to buy you food.

But a friday night In-n-out is very different. See, all the straightedge shows are on fridays and the local straightedge hangout is the In-n-out burger. Yeah, I know they are vegetarian (like me), but they eat the grilled cheese sandwiches. So what you have at the In-n-out is the most expensive food being bought by the kids who won't have sex under any circumstances. So if you can hustle burgers here, you can do it anywhere.

Jenny and I pick "Ben" to work on. We know who Ben is from school, but we don't know-him know him. He's a senior and all his clothes have x's on them. We get in line behind him.

"Hey Jenny, what time is it?"
"almost 11. 10:50."
"I really don't want to go to Eric's party, do you?"
"No, not really."
'I am so sick of getting drunk all the time. but that's all we do at these parties."
"I know, it gets so old."
"I wish there were something else to do, something real, you know?"
Ben says "Hey, what's up ladies?"
"Ben you are the best. these grilled cheese are fantastic. you'll call me about that show, right?? you better call me!!"

Of course, the number i gave him was for the animal shelter.

Here's a tip to the ladies: the only things straightedge guys like more than the forbidden-fruit-cheerleader-girls are the girls they think they can convert.

Oh, who the fuck am i kidding? as if any ladies would read iggy's blog.