Saturday, May 21, 2005

comic blook
by iggy

Thursday, May 12, 2005

science friction and the dreadnaught
by iggy

i've been neglecting the blog and i'm sorry. the last few days have been crazy. theres this writing class that i am retaking (its mandatory and the asshole prof failed me cause "sometimes effort isnt enough") there was this project due today and i couldn't blog cause of it. the project wasn't that bad, though. he has us writing short stories and i think mine turned out really well. its a new genre i call science-friction and maybe i'll put some of it up here cause i know you people love space-lasers and sex.

but before any of that, i should tell you how i made it back to california. the photo of that sexy hunk of american machinery that i left you with last week was leo's new ride, which he named "the dreadnaught".

sal was not a clean man.

leos uncle wasnt a clean man and we spent a looong time going through the thing and removing crumpled receipts, half-eaten mcdonalds meals, and magazines magazines magazines. all sorts of magazines, in fact. i actually kept a few and am now the proud owner of the hustler september 11th issue.

so after we cleaned out the car and left behind leo's wierdo "lets-get-the-un-out-of-the-us" relatives, we hit the road. me and cleo drove backin the civic and leo and elliot drove back in "the dreadnaught". elliot and leo in the same car was a bad idea, but leo and cleo weren't talking so it was the only thing that made sense.

these men like to watch road-head. i think this was in arizona.

we ran into this long line of bikers in arizona. i dunno where they were going. cleo thought it would be funny if she pretended to give me head while we drove next to them. we did it and each one of them watched the whole time. i cant say im surprised. i got four thumbs-up signs and one guy started following us when we pulled away which was creepy.

"this is where all the wind comes from" har har bad jokes from cleo

when we were in california i got a call from leo. he and elliot had been arguing for a long time about windmills. elliot was talking about how wind energy was the only true clean energy source and oil is bad and leo was getting angry. i dont know why the fuck they called me cause i dont know shit about any of that. they were stopped on the side of the road and we had to go and pick up elliot cause leo said he couldn't handle it anymore.

oh and someone asked about what happened with elliot's girlfriend. turns out the bitch dumped him when he got back. he said he took back the turquoise lightning bolt but he wanted to be able to use it in the future so he's been trying to pick up women at the yoga place.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

we apologize for the disruption in service
by iggy

i really want to tell you all the last bit about this trip to santa fe, cause i know all of you stay up late at night asking yourselves "where was cleo that night?" "did elliot's girlfriend let him... you know..." and "hmm... meat salad?"

but something has come up and i cant post till tomorrow night. all will become clear then.

in the meantime, i leave you with this:

Friday, May 06, 2005

magical stairways and green salsa enchiladas
by iggy

sunday was mostly wandering in santa fe. leo's family people were out so we were killing time, trying to find something to look at that isnt an adobe building with a shitload of right angles. breakfast was some of the best mexican i've had (and i live in los angeles), green salsa enchiladas with elliot.

elliot, right before he ate green salsa enchiladas.

its not like we ditched the robinsons, they were gone when i got up. elliot said that when he woke up (we were all in this double-adjoining motel room thing) leo was leaving early cause cleo disappeared in the night and he was going to try and find her. no one was worried. maybe if it was someone else we would worry but cleos the type that would show up two days later like nothing was wrong with some cryptic new "i left my heart in cochiti reservation" tattoo and no explanation.

anyway, we met up with the robinsons after breakfast cause leo called and said hed found her and how about we all meet at the church with the magical stairway because his relatives dont want him to come by just yet? elliot and i head over there and i think i actually saw a bulge in elliots pants when he saw the display of "turquoise and tin" for sale in front of the church.

a sexual response from jewelry? in a man? it made sense this time.

"iggy, which of these look the most expensive?"
"none of them, theyre all under ten dollars."
"right. but if you didn't know that, which one looks like i spent a whole lot on her?"
"uh... maybe this one with the lightning bolt. its definitely the coolest on here, anyway."

leo wasnt saying where he had found cleo. it was clear he didnt want to talk about it. his mood was bad and dropping.

when we went inside to see the magical stairway, it wasnt that magical.

leo is clearly unimpressed.

and really i was unimpressed too. when i think of "magical" i think of things that float or disappear or something, not staircases that are cool shapes and made from wood that comes from really far away. i cant even tell you why these people thought the stairs were magic, it was so lame my mind immediately deleted it. it had something to do with foreign wood and a homeless carpenter though. i remember that much.

leo wasnt telling

afterwards we were back at the motel and cleo was out at the jacuzzi.

me: "so its good that you found cleo."
leo: "yeah."
me: "cause we could be waiting around for a long time for her otherwise, like that time at the mall when she was in 'hot topic' and that guy with the leather pants..."
leo: "yeah, yeah. that sucked. good thing."
me: "yeah..."

i was fishing for information, but leo wasnt telling me anything.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

i know you've missed me 

by iggy

I'M BACK! it felt great today to finally kick off my shoes and drop down in front of my own tv on my own couch. my peace didnt last long, of course, with my mom nagging me about how her computer had been broken since sunday and could i fix it? apparently dad's been saying "yes" to all those things on the porn sites that ask you if you trust them.

right now i am sitting in my living room eating an invention of mine, the egg mc huevos. take all the shit from huevos rancheros and put it between two halves of an english muffin, and you've got the egg mc huevos. im a food genious.

so, about the trip. i got lots of photos and lots to tell. so here it is.

we got out of town later than we wanted on thursday. elliot insisted on taking the bus out to leo's place, even though we could go pick him up faster than those buses could bring him out here ("dont wast gas, dude, oil is blood" - "uh... right..."). he had to make two transitions on the bus line so he took forever.

but cleo was the one that really slowed us down. she had been up till six the night before on AIM with one of her "internet sugar daddys" ("laugh all you want, but i didnt pay shit for this ipod."). and wasnt even awake till noon.

so we rolled outta there like 1:30. trouble came quick though.

cleo: mmm... time for my french breakfast. lets hit starbucks on the way out.
leo: mom and dad will kill me if the car reeks of cigarettes when we return this thing
cleo: just say iggy was smoking.
leo: come on, you know iggy dont smoke.
cleo: ok, say elliot, whatever. lets just get me a venti americano.
elliot: how about we go somewhere else?
cleo: why, you dont like starbucks?
elliot: well, im not getting coffee, but starbucks operates in the occupied territories.
cleo: ??
elliot: palestine.
leo: what?? fuck palestine!!
me: *sigh*
cleo: riiiight. ok just this once i'll do starbucks, elliot.

all this happens three minutes into this thing. clearly it was going to be a long drive to santa fe.

the coolest thing about arizona were the dinosaurs. i dont know what genious decided to build dinosaur statues in the desert, but after hours of listening to why hemp is the wonder plant and how al quaeda is a communist plot, seeing a t-rex fight a velociraptor in the middle of nowhere practically gave me a hardon.

leo is driving as we approach the desert art.

t. rex has vanquished one foe. there is another one to the right, but i fucked up the shot

the only other relief i had from the constant bickering in the car ("oh dont get me started on GATT!", "george bush is pro-family", "god, i hate foreskin") was when we stopped to get lunch at this shitty diner in arizona.

this was the shitty place we stopped for lunch. cleo says all the salads had meat in them.

it seemed like everyone knew each other but us cause when we came in everyone got quiet and looked at us. cleo and elliot both have a tendency to piss people off so there was some tension in there ("DOES THE WATER HAVE MEAT IN IT??", "is this coffee free trade or fair trade?"). i just hope my lunch had no semen in it.

yes, the urinals have ashtrays in arizona

oh fuck, it was good to get out of arizona.

to be continued.