Saturday, June 04, 2005

world of warcrack
by iggy


it's been awhile. i thought about lying to you all and saying my mom had died or something and thats why i hadn't been posting. but i know you guys would have wanted photos of the casket and all (you jackals) and of course the two people that i know that read this thing would have freaked out and flew out here and we cant have that. plus, she's great blogging material (right now she's passed out on the couch with a bottle of seagrams-something between her legs).

the truth is i have been on a major "world of warcraft" bender and i didn't want to admit to you all that i've been playing that game nonstop when i kinda talked shit about it so much a few months ago. i'm a hypocrite, and this aint the first time i've been one, either (I used to talk trash about the band "rush", for example).

so really all i got for you folks is a few bits of the most exciting things i've done in the last week.

number 1: i tried and failed at starting a revolution. i've been reading a fair about about iraq and how all those people are doing this gorilla war against us and i thought it would be really cool to start my own insurgency in world of warcraft. my recruiting strategy wasnt the best ("me and girrnoth are starting a revolution do you want to join?"), but my crew was really charismatic so thats how we were able to recruit people. we actually got a lot of people to join us, but they lost interest really fast. i'd track them down and tell them all the terrible things that we would do to them if they left ("ELF_KILLA_69, you are gonna be the first one up against the wall when we take power if you leave! msg me for forgiveness!!") but the stick wasn't as useful as the carrot and i actually got someone to stay by dancing naked in front of them.

number 2: i convinced some poor girl from singapore that if she sat on this one bench long enough that she would see the northern lights in the sky. then after twenty minutes of asking her questions about singapore i accused her of lying to me about the northern lights.

number 3: me and girrnoth convinced these people in a tavern that there was a big dragon outside and sold them armor at way-marked-up prices. they reported us to the WoW authorities, but we made off with like 50 copper in straight profit!!

if any of you play WoW, contact me, my screen name is "glorfindelrenshireman".

we'll go kill womprats together.