Tuesday, July 26, 2005

the internet is for losers
by cleo

Iggy is a waste of a perfectly good penis. He can't even maintain a WEB LOG much less a non geeky job or my rum munitions. So I am forced to update it for him as I sit, sober and out of cigarettes, alone in my room on a Tuesday night. None of my special online friends are around tonight (have I been discovered? fuck) and Lacey's crew isn't speaking to me because of something I said about her boyfriend (it's true, it did look like the big dipper, anyways we are supposed to be beyond this "teenage acne-having boyfriend" scene). Ew. I'm on the internet alone "blogging" about a catfight. Now I know how Conor Oberst feels.

I'm going to do really well in college.

The only interesting thing that has happened around here is that my brother got a girlfriend. I had a nice, informative manicures-and-Bloody Marys afternoon with her once she got all cozy with the family and she left him so fast she put J.Lo to shame. Also Leo's friend Elliot has been coming by a bunch trying to "recruit" me for some youth summer program teaching Ecuadorean farmers how to farm organically. I finally told him I'd be happy to support purer forms of the "white lady" and he started to give me a lecture on cultural diversity and tolerance before he figured out what I was referring to and left muttering about the depravity of today's youth. If I hear one more passionate ode to Norman Borlaug, I'm going to wheatpaste his face shut.

Blogging fucking sucks!!! I'm going to go play scrabble with myself, at least that way I won't ruin my eyesight staring at a computer screen devoid of fat losers offering to buy me a Mac Mini. I'm not about to forsake genetic superiority for IGOR THE FUCK CORVETTA. Iggy, update your own damn blog, or at least buy me some more rum.