Sunday, October 09, 2005

i am a pro thief
by cleo

So Iggy finally made good on the rum -- he even bought me a swank bottle of Appleton! No more Monarch practically-lighter-fluid in this girl's bloodstream, thank you very much. As gratitude, I will post another entry about my fabulous life style to his web log. (No tits though)

Last night LaSheequa and Aren and I biked to the grocery to steal some booze like usual. LaSheequa is the lookout but never the carrier because she's black (did you guess? smart nerd, you get a cookie) and if they caught her she would get in like twice as much trouble and beaten and stuff. Or so she says -- I think it's just an excuse to slut it up with the grocery bagger with the fewest zits.

Anyways, I stuck a bottle of vodka and some Sparks in my tote while Aren ran the stock clerk all over the store in search of some nonexistent vegan cheese and LaSheequa flirted with Nigel the bagger. Aren bought pomegranete juice as a diversion and then we left.

Well we biked to Davey's house (Aren's boyfriend, some 20 year old Marine) and busted out the vodka at his stupid party where everyone was playing video games and making out to R. Kelly on the stereo. Because they're all little bitches the Sparks went way faster than the vodka but still most of us were pretty wasted within an hour. Then more kids showed up and Davey yelled at us to go get some more booze. "Only if you play some Brothers Keeper instead of the fucking pederast parade" I said, and when he put "Bereit" on, the girls and I stepped up and went to score the goods.

We had this triple-efficiency operation going that time around... LaSheequa worked Nigel and the janitor while Aren and I each stuffed our bags, then we went to buy Popsicles while LaSheequa finally pulled her weight. Sucking seductively on our treats, we flashed some thigh for good measure and strolled out with probably $150 in happy juice.

god, where would this scene be without me? Probably peeing in car washes like Davey the wastrel here.

Overall it was a pretty good night but I think I still prefer sneaking into karaoke bars with Iggy and my brother and their geek friends. Well, who am I kidding, as long as I'm the center of attention and it's free for me, pretty much any Saturday night activity is cool. the world is your oyster when you're sixteen and hot shit.